


On the First Day of Christmas, My Sheldon Got For Me...

by McKay



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-22
Updated: 2009-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-05 00:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheldon goes shopping for his mother's Christmas present at a local super store. Howard/Raj implied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the First Day of Christmas, My Sheldon Got For Me...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [incapricious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/incapricious/gifts).



> I saw your details and couldn't resist writing this Treat for you: "I love Sheldon, just being Sheldon. I don't care who you put him with, if anyone, or if you just write his thought process while standing in line at the grocery store. . Actually that would be kind of awesome." I hope you enjoy the results! :D

Under normal circumstances, Sheldon wouldn't have set foot in a massive "super store" such as this one, especially not during the week before Christmas, but this year, he'd had no choice. This store was the only place he could find the gift his mother had told him to buy for her. After the year of the unfortunate book incident, she didn't let him choose gifts for her anymore, which was both irritating and a relief. All he had done was attempt to broaden her intellectual horizons by giving her a book that offered factual evidence dispelling prevalent biblical myths. He certainly hadn't been trying to ruin Christmas, despite all accusations to the contrary.

"I want the light blue nightgown set, not the teal or the purple, in a medium, and if you buy the housecoat too, Shelly, you get a pair of slippers free," she told him. "They're fuzzy."

Sheldon preferred not to shop except at certain specific places that he knew well and was comfortable with, such as the comics store and the Buy More; if he couldn't get what he wanted at one of his preferred locations, he purchased it online, which was what he had planned to do with the nightgown set. Unfortunately, the super store website only had the teal, purple, and fuchsia sets available; the blue set was marked "in select stories only", which necessitated a trip to a store with which he was not familiar, which displeased him, but he supposed there was no help for it.

Leonard agreed to drive, and Howard and Raj accompanied them, although Sheldon wasn't certain why because the only thing they did was trail along behind him and whisper comments about the other shoppers to each other. The store, Sheldon noted right away, was neither well-organized nor tidy, and the sections were not clearly labeled. If the SyFy channel wasn't airing a mini-marathon of the original 1970s _Battlestar Galactica_ episodes starting at five o'clock, he might have taken time to seek out the manager and make a few helpful suggestions or ask for a comment form, but time was of the essence, and he could always send a detailed email later. Instead, he tested the wheels of three different carts before finding one that was acceptable, and then he pulled out an antibacterial handi-wipe and washed the handlebar before touching it.

He made a wrong turn upon entering the store and ended up in the pharmaceuticals section. Howard and Raj disappeared briefly, and when they caught up with Sheldon and Leonard again, Howard was furtively carrying a box of condoms that were purportedly "ribbed for her pleasure" _and_ came in an array of bright colors while Raj carried a bottle of personal lubricant that allegedly warmed to the touch. Sheldon assumed they were preparing for another futile foray to a bar to meet women, although he thought he had heard Howard say earlier that he and Raj had plans to play City of Heroes at Raj's apartment that night. Sheldon was somewhat surprised that they were turning down classic _Battlestar Galactica_ and Gang Gai for dinner in favor of playing with each other, but it meant more Gang Gai for him, so he didn't much care.

When he finally located the ladies lingerie section, which was incongruously located next to the "outdoors" section where all the tents, fishing poles, and guns were stocked, he engaged in a brief tug-of-war over the last light blue nightgown set in a medium with a woman wearing a vivid green sweatshirt decorated with an iron-on Christmas tree decal that had been covered in glitter gel.

"Do you intend to purchase this for yourself?" he asked, clutching the plastic hanger with a white-knuckled grip.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, her grim expression showing a notable lack of holiday cheer for someone so festively dressed.

"Then I suggest you purchase a large instead," he replied and neatly yanked the hanger out of her hand before she recovered from shock enough to react.

Although there were at least twenty registers, only three were open, which was another sign of inefficiency that made Sheldon tut with disapproval. After studying the lines for a moment, he chose the one on the far left as the one most likely to move quickly. The woman on register one needed to trim her fingernails at least half an inch if she wanted to enhance her key speed, and the young man on register two had a "trainee" badge. That left the young woman on register three, who had short fingernails and no trainee badge.

"Would you like to add your items to my purchase in order to facilitate a quicker departure?" he asked. Howard and Raj blinked at him for a moment before handing over the condoms and personal lubricant, which Sheldon added to his cart without a trace of self-consciousness.

Although the young woman was quicker than the other two cashiers, the line was long, and Sheldon passed the time by hypothetically rearranging the items in the checkout line, debating whether it was better to organize by item type or name. On the one hand, he did like alphabetical order, but on the other, it would mean having Snickers next to Spray-n-Wash pens, which just seemed wrong. If all the items weren't grouped together by type, it would be far easier to miss something, and he might have overlooked the new Reece's Dark Peanut Butter Cups, for example, and that would have been a shame.

"I'd get the dark chocolate rather than the milk chocolate, if I were you," he suggested helpfully when he noticed the person in front of him reaching for a milk chocolate candy bar. "They're the same price, and the dark chocolate has natural antioxidants."

The man looked at Sheldon with an expression similar to one he received from his friends all the time, but the man chose the dark chocolate bar instead, which gave Sheldon some satisfaction. He picked up a package of Reece's Dark Cups for himself, making a mental note to wash the package with a handi-wipe just in case other people had touched it.

"Got a big night planned for your girlfriend, huh?" The cashier smirked at him as she rang up the condoms, chocolate, and lubricant one after the other.

"No," Sheldon replied placidly, pointing to Howard and Raj. "The Reece's Peanut Butter Cups are for me, but the condoms and warming-touch lubricant belong to them."

"It's for our hot dates tonight!" Howard sputtered, his face turning red, while Raj tried to hide behind Leonard.

"But you don't have dates tonight, hot or otherwise," Sheldon pointed out. "You said the two of you were going to play City of Heroes together."

He didn't understand why the people around them were snickering or why his friends dragged him out of the store so quickly, but he had the light blue nightgown set in medium and a free pair of fuzzy slippers for his mother, and that was the important thing.


End file.
